It's been near 5 years since I graduated, yet it feels just like yesterday.
For a lot of people, high school was the peak life. They say it was the most fun time, just showing up to school, doing homework, and having zero stress. But not for me.
For me, the real game started when I stepped into university. That was when the confusion, the mistakes, and the actual grind really began.
If I could time travel back to talk to my younger self, I wouldn't tell him to "Buy Bitcoin" or "Invest in Stocks" or even "Bet on the winning team." That's too easy. Instead, I'd tell him to fix his mindset and focus on the things that actually matter for survival in the real world.
Here is what I would do differently.
1. Stop hiding and be secure with who I am.
Back in high school, I was the quiet kid with zero self-confidence. I only had a few friends, and I carried that low self-esteem with me like unfinished business into university.
Actually, in my uni days, I'd say I was an outstanding student. I even won some competitions and hackathons, and I got 2nd place in two of them. But I was always "the guy behind the scene." My job was to code the app while I let my other friends take the spotlight. I didn't have the courage to show up because I was constantly scared of what people would think about me, and I was also scared to even start building some confidence.
But at the time, I enjoyed being in the shadows because it meant less pressure. But yeah, I was wrong. In the real world, if you stay invisible, you're basically non-existent. You can be the best coder in the room, but if nobody knows you exist, those big opportunities just fly past you.
2. Developing public speaking skills.
I remember back in the middle of a semester, my friend and I saw some students practicing public speaking. In my mind, I thought, "There’s no way I can be like them." But my friend said, "I think we should learn to be like them and have great public speaking skills."
It was pretty bad that I had that kind of mindset. While my friend was trying to fix his skills, I was just too scared.
I didn't try to fix my public speaking because I was too comfortable being the "behind the scenes" guy who just codes. But now, in the real world, I realize that being able to speak up is like a survival skill. It's not just about giving a big speech, it's about surviving a job interview. If you want to move to a bigger company, you have to be able to tell your story, or nobody will even notice how good your code is.
3. Stop seeking validation and being performative on social media.
Being a teenager, specifically in your early 20s, means you are constantly searching for identity. Using social media to get recognition feels normal at that age. But looking back, I realize how much time I wasted on it.
You know, it's okay to celebrate an achievement or show off something you have actually done. But it is dangerous when you have a goal or a plan and you tell others too early. You get hit by that "cheap dopamine." You celebrate too early. If you do this often, you become a validation seeker instead of a goal finisher. It kills your motivation because your brain thinks you already did the work.
I remember back in my uni days, Instagram was my dopamine trap. My main focus should have been getting good grades and expanding my network. But somehow, I got stuck in the validation phase. I would post photos of my coding setup or a project just to be performative. But in reality, I didn't even take that project seriously. I just wanted to look cool. I even tried things outside of my coding track just because it looked aesthetic back then.
4. Deal with boredom
I've been coding since I was in 12th grade. It felt pretty cool to have a skill like that. When I graduated high school, I decided to study computer science. I couldn't wait to start my uni days because I felt like this was my passion, and I was excited to learn what I liked.
In my first semester, I joined the software development and research division. Felt good to finally be around people who are into the same stuff.
Everything was exciting. I remember getting chosen to join a competition right after I joined the division. I was so hyped to code for it, and surprisingly, we won 2nd place. That felt amazing. But after that, I was tasked with redesigning and coding a website. It didn't feel as challenging as the competition. That was the moment the boredom kicked in.
Now I'm an adult with a 9 to 5 job, I realize that 80% of life is just work. I'm trying hard to deal with this boredom. It's not because my job isn't challenging, but repeating the same 8 hour routine 5 days a week leads to burnout. This is bad when you're trying to build new habits.
Back in my uni days, I'd feel motivated one day and bored the next. That boredom distracted me from growing. Instead of pushing through, I'd just go do other stuff or hangout. Don’t get me wrong, hanging out is fine. I'm not trying to be an anti social grinder, but I lacked focus.
The most absurd part is that I once jumped into graphic design. WTF right? I even bought a drawing course and tried it for two weeks. But boom, it didn't look cool at all. I gave up and immediately jumped into a new hobby which was Adobe Lightroom. Why? Because I wanted to look cool on Instagram and some of my friends have a good quality content for their instagram stories and its became trend and I got FOMO into it.
But I don't fully blame my younger self though. As a teenager, you're just searching for your identity. But if I could go back, I'd tell myself that finding yourself doesn't mean you have to follow every trend on social media or FOMO.
5. Sharpen my English skill to open global opportunities.
Back in uni, I thought my English wasn't too bad. I could understand movies, YouTube videos, and songs. I could even identify the tenses used in content. But I realized that was just input. I had zero skills in output, like speaking and writing.
I remember in early January 2025, I got a chance to interview with a client from Upwork. He was interested in my proposal and just wanted a little chit-chat about my experience. Then he asked a simple question: "Do you have experience with React and Golang?"
I understood the question perfectly. But my brain froze. Inside my head, I was busy translating from my native language to English, trying to find the matching grammar and context. The lag was too long. That opportunity just vanished, and I was so disappointed in myself.
Five months later, I got a second chance. It was a referral for a team in the US. The interviewer was actually super chill, he even allowed me to use Google Translate. But my panic attack defeated me again. and yeah the case 5 month ago it happened again.
That's when I learned that understanding isn't enough. You need muscle memory. Now, I force myself to produce output, like speaking and writing, even if it’s broken English. I use techniques like shadowing just to get my brain used to how the words sound, so I stop translating everything in my head.
6. Last but not least: Avoid romantic relationships
In uni days I realized that some people find their soulmate during their uni days. I even know a couple who met even in their first semester, they are stayed together through the struggles of uni life, and got married after graduation. It worked for them and glad for them. I'd categorize those people as "Early Game" heroes, if you've ever played a MOBA game.
But that it wasn't for me. It took me almost 4 years after graduation to find someone who really needed me and find real love. I met my wife when I was already secure, both financially and mentally. I'd say I'm an "End Game" type of person.
Now that I'm married to my wife, I realize that everything happens when the universe knows you're ready. Looking back at my uni days, it felt too early for me. I remember getting to know a few girls back then and telling myself that one of them will be my soulmate. But nah, it didn't go well.
And here is what I think. Dating at that age takes a huge amount of time, money, and emotional energy. When you are in your uni days, those are resources you should be investing in yourself. I used to think I was missing out, but now I realize that by focusing on my own growth first, I became the person my wife actually deserved to meet later on.
Conclusion :
Looking back, I realize university wasn't about becoming the smartest person in the room. It was about figuring out who I am when nobody is watching. If you are reading this and feel like you are 'behind' or 'late' like me, relax. You’re not late. You’re just building your character for the main event.
And you know what? Two years after graduating, I honestly felt left behind compared to my friends. Some of them are already Senior Staff Engineers, or even working remotely overseas with USD paycheck. Good for them. But then I realized I am on my own timeline. It's a long game. I'm still in my mid-20s, so I still have enough time to develop myself. My goal now is just to not mess up the next 10 years, so I don't have to write another post titled "What I'd do if I could go back to my mid-20s." Haha.